All the same places… Despite the different faces I feel I’m meeting the same people… Feeling the same emotions, hurts… Sitting at the same empty edge…and when I ask myself how do I get away from this I get the same answer… I get nothing. I could choose to pack up my things and run to a different place far away… But will I find the same emptiness there? Well, I suppose the thing about life is you’ll never know for sure until you try. And I’ll never have a chance of leaving this place until I get up and walk away in another direction.. Sure I could sit longer and ponder all the things in my life and in my past and present and ask a million whys about situation that didn’t have a fairytale ending… But after all the thoughts expire, im still in the same seat. At least if I stand and keep walking I’ll have a chance to survive and not die inside. The journey must continue… Here’s to finding joy…
Where do you go from here?
When the future seems too near
and resolution to those dreams once crystal clear
have disappeared
… And you’re unsure of the image staring you back in the mirror…
I’ve spent many nights calling up to the stars, pleading the heavens for an answer or anything that could save me from the darkness that had swallowed me. Those many nights passed by and after each the shadows became darker than it was before. Many days I’ve tossed and turned in my bed and curled into the fetal position on cold floors, wallowing in the puddle of my tears and anguish. Still I found no answers. Still I have found no treasures or hope. I have stared into the eyes of many strangers, even lost myself in those seas. And just when I begin to think that I have discovered my treasure, I am only snatched back into a desolate reality and begin to drown again. No love, no direction, no joy. So now I began to think: maybe I am looking in the wrong places. Maybe I have found nothing because the treasure was never hidden there. Maybe it isn’t about searching for joy but rather the goal is to remember where my joy was all along. Perhaps it is all perception. Amid all the confusion, tumultuous emotions and uncertainty there is one thing that has been constant. My words. So I will now use them to help push me forward on my path. This is my safe haven of words and thoughts…and of expressions. Hopefully this will help get me through this life and others who find themselves in the same place I am right now. If you are finding this and it speaks to you, know you are not alone and be encouraged to continue the pursuit of happiness. It will be a long journey, but I will respect it. Away I go…here’s to finding joy….
-T.Marshae
Finding Joy.... 